Post by gemellidreamer on Nov 21, 2016 0:34:04 GMT
Some context for this: This is a story based on what might have happened to Hazuki Shiraki, an RP character that I wrote for a roleplay on the AAO forums. It was a DR-style RP that didn't make it to the end, leaving a lot of unanswered questions. I recently got information from enigma (the GM of that RP) about some stuff that would have been discovered in the later chapters. The idea is that this is what a post from Hazuki Shiraki might have looked like if she made it to the final chapter (she had survived past the second trial, but who knows if she'd have made it to the end or not). Obviously I'm operating without full context, so in an actual RP this story would likely be several posts and wouldn't resolve itself as quickly. But I like what I came up with. Additional context on some stuff that would have happened in the final chapter is in the spoiler tag below, on the off-chance that anyone suddenly wants to read the RP before reading this short story. This is written with the assumption that you actually know who Hazuki is and her situation, but I can't stop anyone who decides to read this before the actual RP.
"None of that was a joke, huh...? I seriously have to accept all of that? Are you fucking kidding me!? Why couldn't we have figured this out sooner!?"
Hazuki Shiraki usually swore like a sailor, but there was something about her usual demeanor that made it simple to tell that she wasn't overly-frustrated or angry when she did so. When she cursed, it was usually with a casual indifference that made her sound mildly annoyed at most. It was just her way of speaking. So it would be a mistake to assume that she was angry just because she was using foul language. However... One could easily see other signs that she was angry. For starters, she wasn't cursing like it was nothing. Her tone of voice painted the picture of someone who was legitimately furious, someone who felt deeply wronged by the world.
It was the tone of someone who had realized that her life was basically a lie. If she could even call it 'her' life at this point. ... No, on second thought, it was still her own life. There was a difference between herself and the 'Hazuki Shiraki' that she had in mind. They were basically the same person, and yet they weren't. They shared the same memories, up to a point... And then their lives went in completely different directions. One went towards death, the other had somehow managed to survive despite the odds being against her as well. If the two of them could only talk to each other somehow... It would be incredibly fucking weird, to put it delicately, but it would have helped. But it was too late for that, and now she had to find her own answers, without 'her' help. The original Hazuki Shiraki, the person she was a clone of. The person who she knew everything about, and yet she still felt like a stranger.
"Merde... This is giving me a headache. I wonder what you'd do if our positions were reversed? ... That's a shitty question, now that I think about it. Doesn't even make any sense. Well, none of this makes any fucking sense, so what else is new?" Hazuki said to herself, as though she were speaking to someone. She was fully aware of the fact that she likely looked completely ridiculous. That didn't bother her, not when there was so much else on her mind. It wasn't like any of the others were around anyway. Her door was locked, and she was positive that the others were doing their best to deal with this newfound information as well. 'Deal with this newfound information' was an extremely diplomatic way of saying 'questioning the meaning of their own existences and being fucking terrified in general'.
The fact that she could still think of snarky comments to herself was oddly comforting, far more than it should have been. It was familiar. It was something that didn't reject her. No one could take it away from her. Again, in a different context this may have seemed ridiculous, but so what? Everything about her situation was ridiculous, especially now that she had a fuller picture of her circumstances. Anything that could calm her down was welcome. But she couldn't stop thinking about what she had learned recently.
Hazuki Shiraki... The other Hazuki, the one who had been trapped in a game that was also life-threatening, but far quicker, and far more brutal. The one who had been placed in a free-for-all death match against her fellow students, and who had been willing to kill because she was terrified. The one who DID kill, and got killed in return. How was she supposed to feel after watching her 'original self' kill and be killed? Was she supposed to pass moral judgment on herself? ... It wasn't like she thought that the 'other' Hazuki had been weak. She fully understood, despite how horrifying it was. If circumstances were different, perhaps she would have killed during this killing game as well. She had already been surprised by the people who had decided to murder for a chance to escape. Life seemed intent on shattering every expectation she had.
Despite the fact that it wasn't quite accurate as a descriptor, Hazuki decided that it was for the best to think of her 'original self' as her sister. A twin, maybe. It was partially out of respect, and partially because saying that she was her other self felt like a lie, somehow. They were the same person... Up to a point. As soon as they had differing experiences and challenges to face, they were completely different people. It was incredibly strange to think about it that way, but it was the most normal way of thinking about it from a selection of abnormal ways of thinking.
Her sister was dead... The Shiraki family really did have the worst luck, didn't it? Her parents had died, and now the person who they brought into the world was dead as well, leaving behind... Someone else. Someone who was their child, and yet wasn't. Someone who had technically never met them. Someone who couldn't ever meet them.
"So, if she was the 'real' Hazuki... Does that make me a fake to everyone else? ... Wait, what kind of bullshit am I spouting? It doesn't matter. I'm me, I guess. My life is a fucking mess, but it's still my life..." Hazuki quickly decided that it didn't matter to her if she was the 'real' Hazuki or not. In a way she was just as real as her sister, and in another she was a complete fake. Did it really matter in the long run? If she absolutely had to bothered by something, then it would be something other than that. After all, wasn't there a saying about a fake that desperately tries to become real, proving itself as more 'real' in the process? ... She couldn't remember the exact quote, and she was sure that she had completely butchered it, but the sentiment remained the same. Her sister was her own person. As for herself? She would have to live on for both of them. ... What would happen when she managed to escape? Did the world at large know that 'Hazuki Shiraki' was dead? What would she even say? ... Well, that could wait until later. There were many battles left to fight, and she had to focus on the one right in front of her instead of fearing the future.
It was incredibly weird to think that she was dealing with parts of this relatively calmly, if 'calmly' was the right word for it. Yeah, she was really freaked out by... Basically everything. Yet somehow she felt a sense of closure that stopped her from breaking out into a panic. She knew she should have been panicking far more, considering how much more she had reacted to the tragic events that she had been witness to on the ship. Perhaps it was because she felt like she finally had a more specific goal, something beyond survival. Despite all the horrifying things the other students and her had learned... There was no doubt in her mind that they were closer to escaping. They were closer to solving everything... Or at least as much as it could be solved. She didn't have all the answers, at least not yet, and she doubted she ever would. But that was fine as long as the others were safe.
The others... So many of them had died. And for what? If everyone had known the truth from the start, none of the deaths would have happened. She was sure of that much, though she wasn't sure how that would have worked out. Now that the remaining survivors knew the truth... The killing game was basically over. In an ideal world, all of them would have made it to the end, but... She would do her best to bring their stories to everyone in the outside world. She still didn't know how she was supposed to explain any of this to anyone in the 'outside world', but she had to try to tell people about them. So that others would remember them too, and know that their lives had meant something. At first it seemed like it would be impossible to prove this strange story to anyone, but it seemed far more manageable once she really thought about it. They had plenty of proof on the ship, and besides, her sister was a world-famous violinist, so surely people would listen to her. ... It felt incredibly weird to think that she was technically exploiting her own popularity, but she would have to get used to that odd feeling with time.
She walked over towards her violin case, and opened it to look at her own violin, one that suddenly felt much more familiar, yet paradoxically, it also felt like it was her first time seeing it. There was without a doubt that this was the violin that her parents had given to Hazuki. It was a real connection between her sister and herself... And the rest of her family as well. Because her family was still her family, even if this situation felt like a nightmare. She wasn't sure why she spent so long just looking at the violin. Maybe it was because the violin, along with the locket in her possession, felt like proof that her sister had truly lived. ... Yeah, that made enough sense. The full answer was too complicated to put into words, so she didn't bother trying.
It wasn't long before she tried to find more light-heartedness in the situation, any optimism at all to drown out the dreariness. She played around with her hair for a bit... She had eventually removed the hair dye, while her sister had kept it until the end. Well, at least that was one way of distinguishing them. Weren't twins usually pretty annoyed if they constantly got mistaken for one another? This was sort of similar, only about a thousand times more awkward. ... Somehow, that thought allowed her to smile, just for a bit, and she knew that the smile was probably unwarranted considering everything that had happened. But she had managed to find a bit of humor in the situation, no matter how silly that humor was. From the outside, it seemed completely ridiculous. To her, it felt like a major stepping stone, a victory of sorts. ... Maybe in the future, she'd look back at this and make fun of herself for being so happy about such a mildly amusing thing. But for now, she'd cling onto that victory, because it felt that important to her.
"Wonder if the others are doing okay... Wait, what the hell am I doing? I can talk to them instead of sitting around and doing fucking nothing... I have to be stronger for them too..." Hazuki whispered these words to herself, though again, it felt more like she was talking to her sister, despite the fact that she had been dead for a while now.
It had been strange when she first realized how attached she was to the dysfunctional group that she had been saddled with. It was a group of people that put her through a lot anguish, one that made her feel frustrated and unhappy several times. Yet... It was a group she belonged to. She felt like she had a spot in that messed up group, and somehow they had managed to leave a positive impression on her as well. She thought back to a funnier time, a moment where she realized that she had somehow become the confidant of a lot of people. At the time, she had compared the experience to suddenly feeling like she was everyone's mom. Heh... Now THAT was fucking hilarious, mostly because of the mental image that it conjured. ... Also somewhat scary, but right now she was focused on the humor of the thought. Yeah... For better or worse, she had somehow ended up as the person who regularly called people out on their behavior if she felt like they were being assholes. ... In hindsight, a lot of the time she must have come across as very self-righteous and intrusive. But... She knew that she had managed to help at least a few people. She had made many mistakes, but there were things she got right too. And... That made her human, and thinking about that made her feel less strange about being a clone, though she doubted the oddity would ever fully go away.
She closed her eyes. For a brief moment, she thought about moving towards the hammock in her room. A rest sounded nice. But she didn't. Because there wasn't time for that. As hard as it was... There were people who were taking this harder than she was. Then again, for all she knew, perhaps everyone else had taken all of this surprisingly well and didn't need much support. But... That seemed incredibly unlikely. Even the calmest people would have some sort of identity crisis upon learning all of the information that they had learned. She didn't want the others to feel like no one cared about them, so maybe a little bit of positive reinforcement would go a long way. ... If nothing else, it would put her mind at ease to find out how the others were coping.
"Merde... When I first woke up on this ship, didn't I hate the thought talking with the others at all? And now I'm seeking them out? What the fuck is wrong with me? ... Screw it, I don't care if it makes sense or not. Shit happens, and people change. That goes for the others too..." Hazuki sincerely hoped that things would be okay with the others. But if they weren't? Then they'd have someone to stand by them, even if Hazuki still thought she was really horrible at the whole 'talking to other people about emotional stuff' thing.
Hazuki left her room, her concerns about the future balanced out by a desire to make sure the others were fine. They were a messed-up group of people, but they could still take down the mastermind. This field trip had lasted for far too long already. It was time to go home.
The relevant information is that most of the students are actually clones of the "real" students from this class, who all died in a killing game (with one exception). The clones have only existed for about five years, but they have most of the memories of the original people. I received a bit more information than that, but that's the important part.
------------Hazuki's Tale: A 0.2 Short Story------------
"None of that was a joke, huh...? I seriously have to accept all of that? Are you fucking kidding me!? Why couldn't we have figured this out sooner!?"
Hazuki Shiraki usually swore like a sailor, but there was something about her usual demeanor that made it simple to tell that she wasn't overly-frustrated or angry when she did so. When she cursed, it was usually with a casual indifference that made her sound mildly annoyed at most. It was just her way of speaking. So it would be a mistake to assume that she was angry just because she was using foul language. However... One could easily see other signs that she was angry. For starters, she wasn't cursing like it was nothing. Her tone of voice painted the picture of someone who was legitimately furious, someone who felt deeply wronged by the world.
It was the tone of someone who had realized that her life was basically a lie. If she could even call it 'her' life at this point. ... No, on second thought, it was still her own life. There was a difference between herself and the 'Hazuki Shiraki' that she had in mind. They were basically the same person, and yet they weren't. They shared the same memories, up to a point... And then their lives went in completely different directions. One went towards death, the other had somehow managed to survive despite the odds being against her as well. If the two of them could only talk to each other somehow... It would be incredibly fucking weird, to put it delicately, but it would have helped. But it was too late for that, and now she had to find her own answers, without 'her' help. The original Hazuki Shiraki, the person she was a clone of. The person who she knew everything about, and yet she still felt like a stranger.
"Merde... This is giving me a headache. I wonder what you'd do if our positions were reversed? ... That's a shitty question, now that I think about it. Doesn't even make any sense. Well, none of this makes any fucking sense, so what else is new?" Hazuki said to herself, as though she were speaking to someone. She was fully aware of the fact that she likely looked completely ridiculous. That didn't bother her, not when there was so much else on her mind. It wasn't like any of the others were around anyway. Her door was locked, and she was positive that the others were doing their best to deal with this newfound information as well. 'Deal with this newfound information' was an extremely diplomatic way of saying 'questioning the meaning of their own existences and being fucking terrified in general'.
The fact that she could still think of snarky comments to herself was oddly comforting, far more than it should have been. It was familiar. It was something that didn't reject her. No one could take it away from her. Again, in a different context this may have seemed ridiculous, but so what? Everything about her situation was ridiculous, especially now that she had a fuller picture of her circumstances. Anything that could calm her down was welcome. But she couldn't stop thinking about what she had learned recently.
Hazuki Shiraki... The other Hazuki, the one who had been trapped in a game that was also life-threatening, but far quicker, and far more brutal. The one who had been placed in a free-for-all death match against her fellow students, and who had been willing to kill because she was terrified. The one who DID kill, and got killed in return. How was she supposed to feel after watching her 'original self' kill and be killed? Was she supposed to pass moral judgment on herself? ... It wasn't like she thought that the 'other' Hazuki had been weak. She fully understood, despite how horrifying it was. If circumstances were different, perhaps she would have killed during this killing game as well. She had already been surprised by the people who had decided to murder for a chance to escape. Life seemed intent on shattering every expectation she had.
Despite the fact that it wasn't quite accurate as a descriptor, Hazuki decided that it was for the best to think of her 'original self' as her sister. A twin, maybe. It was partially out of respect, and partially because saying that she was her other self felt like a lie, somehow. They were the same person... Up to a point. As soon as they had differing experiences and challenges to face, they were completely different people. It was incredibly strange to think about it that way, but it was the most normal way of thinking about it from a selection of abnormal ways of thinking.
Her sister was dead... The Shiraki family really did have the worst luck, didn't it? Her parents had died, and now the person who they brought into the world was dead as well, leaving behind... Someone else. Someone who was their child, and yet wasn't. Someone who had technically never met them. Someone who couldn't ever meet them.
"So, if she was the 'real' Hazuki... Does that make me a fake to everyone else? ... Wait, what kind of bullshit am I spouting? It doesn't matter. I'm me, I guess. My life is a fucking mess, but it's still my life..." Hazuki quickly decided that it didn't matter to her if she was the 'real' Hazuki or not. In a way she was just as real as her sister, and in another she was a complete fake. Did it really matter in the long run? If she absolutely had to bothered by something, then it would be something other than that. After all, wasn't there a saying about a fake that desperately tries to become real, proving itself as more 'real' in the process? ... She couldn't remember the exact quote, and she was sure that she had completely butchered it, but the sentiment remained the same. Her sister was her own person. As for herself? She would have to live on for both of them. ... What would happen when she managed to escape? Did the world at large know that 'Hazuki Shiraki' was dead? What would she even say? ... Well, that could wait until later. There were many battles left to fight, and she had to focus on the one right in front of her instead of fearing the future.
It was incredibly weird to think that she was dealing with parts of this relatively calmly, if 'calmly' was the right word for it. Yeah, she was really freaked out by... Basically everything. Yet somehow she felt a sense of closure that stopped her from breaking out into a panic. She knew she should have been panicking far more, considering how much more she had reacted to the tragic events that she had been witness to on the ship. Perhaps it was because she felt like she finally had a more specific goal, something beyond survival. Despite all the horrifying things the other students and her had learned... There was no doubt in her mind that they were closer to escaping. They were closer to solving everything... Or at least as much as it could be solved. She didn't have all the answers, at least not yet, and she doubted she ever would. But that was fine as long as the others were safe.
The others... So many of them had died. And for what? If everyone had known the truth from the start, none of the deaths would have happened. She was sure of that much, though she wasn't sure how that would have worked out. Now that the remaining survivors knew the truth... The killing game was basically over. In an ideal world, all of them would have made it to the end, but... She would do her best to bring their stories to everyone in the outside world. She still didn't know how she was supposed to explain any of this to anyone in the 'outside world', but she had to try to tell people about them. So that others would remember them too, and know that their lives had meant something. At first it seemed like it would be impossible to prove this strange story to anyone, but it seemed far more manageable once she really thought about it. They had plenty of proof on the ship, and besides, her sister was a world-famous violinist, so surely people would listen to her. ... It felt incredibly weird to think that she was technically exploiting her own popularity, but she would have to get used to that odd feeling with time.
She walked over towards her violin case, and opened it to look at her own violin, one that suddenly felt much more familiar, yet paradoxically, it also felt like it was her first time seeing it. There was without a doubt that this was the violin that her parents had given to Hazuki. It was a real connection between her sister and herself... And the rest of her family as well. Because her family was still her family, even if this situation felt like a nightmare. She wasn't sure why she spent so long just looking at the violin. Maybe it was because the violin, along with the locket in her possession, felt like proof that her sister had truly lived. ... Yeah, that made enough sense. The full answer was too complicated to put into words, so she didn't bother trying.
It wasn't long before she tried to find more light-heartedness in the situation, any optimism at all to drown out the dreariness. She played around with her hair for a bit... She had eventually removed the hair dye, while her sister had kept it until the end. Well, at least that was one way of distinguishing them. Weren't twins usually pretty annoyed if they constantly got mistaken for one another? This was sort of similar, only about a thousand times more awkward. ... Somehow, that thought allowed her to smile, just for a bit, and she knew that the smile was probably unwarranted considering everything that had happened. But she had managed to find a bit of humor in the situation, no matter how silly that humor was. From the outside, it seemed completely ridiculous. To her, it felt like a major stepping stone, a victory of sorts. ... Maybe in the future, she'd look back at this and make fun of herself for being so happy about such a mildly amusing thing. But for now, she'd cling onto that victory, because it felt that important to her.
"Wonder if the others are doing okay... Wait, what the hell am I doing? I can talk to them instead of sitting around and doing fucking nothing... I have to be stronger for them too..." Hazuki whispered these words to herself, though again, it felt more like she was talking to her sister, despite the fact that she had been dead for a while now.
It had been strange when she first realized how attached she was to the dysfunctional group that she had been saddled with. It was a group of people that put her through a lot anguish, one that made her feel frustrated and unhappy several times. Yet... It was a group she belonged to. She felt like she had a spot in that messed up group, and somehow they had managed to leave a positive impression on her as well. She thought back to a funnier time, a moment where she realized that she had somehow become the confidant of a lot of people. At the time, she had compared the experience to suddenly feeling like she was everyone's mom. Heh... Now THAT was fucking hilarious, mostly because of the mental image that it conjured. ... Also somewhat scary, but right now she was focused on the humor of the thought. Yeah... For better or worse, she had somehow ended up as the person who regularly called people out on their behavior if she felt like they were being assholes. ... In hindsight, a lot of the time she must have come across as very self-righteous and intrusive. But... She knew that she had managed to help at least a few people. She had made many mistakes, but there were things she got right too. And... That made her human, and thinking about that made her feel less strange about being a clone, though she doubted the oddity would ever fully go away.
She closed her eyes. For a brief moment, she thought about moving towards the hammock in her room. A rest sounded nice. But she didn't. Because there wasn't time for that. As hard as it was... There were people who were taking this harder than she was. Then again, for all she knew, perhaps everyone else had taken all of this surprisingly well and didn't need much support. But... That seemed incredibly unlikely. Even the calmest people would have some sort of identity crisis upon learning all of the information that they had learned. She didn't want the others to feel like no one cared about them, so maybe a little bit of positive reinforcement would go a long way. ... If nothing else, it would put her mind at ease to find out how the others were coping.
"Merde... When I first woke up on this ship, didn't I hate the thought talking with the others at all? And now I'm seeking them out? What the fuck is wrong with me? ... Screw it, I don't care if it makes sense or not. Shit happens, and people change. That goes for the others too..." Hazuki sincerely hoped that things would be okay with the others. But if they weren't? Then they'd have someone to stand by them, even if Hazuki still thought she was really horrible at the whole 'talking to other people about emotional stuff' thing.
Hazuki left her room, her concerns about the future balanced out by a desire to make sure the others were fine. They were a messed-up group of people, but they could still take down the mastermind. This field trip had lasted for far too long already. It was time to go home.