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Post by The Agnolotti Raichu on Apr 13, 2016 18:49:37 GMT
"I dunno, Gramplax. I think you'd look pretty good in orange," Zoie mused, refusing to reflect upon her illness further. She had already wailed a bit on the doctor that told her before Kuthlax finished him off. Although she screamed in agony when it started flailing its tentacle around, getting Enrico's fluids all over the room and on her skin and in her hair and eeeew. She thought about retaliating, but Kuthlax was one of the only beings she felt an ounce of respect for. He was, like, some sort of weird alien thing, so that was cool, and his stories were always... interesting. So she tried to just shrug it off as she dragged her baseball bat through the hole in reality and found herself in Enrico's gun shop. She found herself a couple of pistols she liked and came back to see some guy trying to threaten Kuthlax.
"Yeah, you're real threatening, buddy. Keep it up."
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Post by DreadLasagnaArchduke on Apr 13, 2016 23:11:36 GMT
"Sweet mother of fuck, you really did a number on him there, grandpappy. I haven't seen anything that bad since that Pizza Hut bathroom during the lunch rush." Lysandra said, climbing through the portal. She took another puff from the cigar, then grabbed a tommy gun. "The ol' Chicago typewriter, reliable as ever! I'm also gonna need a couple of molotovs, but I got that covered!" she said, several empty liquor bottles falling out of her coat.
"Right then, buddy, unless you wanna end up like your buddy there, I suggest you skedaddle. He'll probably be back to his usual happy self come this time next week, I don't think you're gonna want the same thing to happen to you. We got things to do, people to off, and I'm outta whiskey. So what's it gonna be?" she said, aiming her trusty Chicago typewriter at the man and dusting off some of the ash from her cigar.
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Post by melcaroni on Apr 14, 2016 23:34:46 GMT
Gary Stuart was alerted to the sound of children's voices-- The bastard had kidnapped children and also a large orange man and a woman with a bird mask! That fiend! If only he were back in his prime, like back when he'd suplexed Jupiter back into orbit, then he'd heroically bust in and save them-- But he wasn't 13 anymore, and he knew that this was a job for the proper authorities. Quickly whipping out his Nokiatm Cellular Phone from his back pocket, Gary determinedly punched in the numbers 9-1-1 and spoke the secret code that would instantly mobilize the police at top priority:
"FOREIGNERS ARE TRYING TO TAKE OUR GUNS."
Within seconds, the entirety of the town's police burst into the shop, guns raised and sirens blaring, while SWAT Helicopters and tanks rolled in through the walls.
"Oh shit," Commented Pinhead, crossing his arms cockily, "It looks like they got really... triggered."
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Post by Clairamarata on Apr 15, 2016 0:29:11 GMT
"Haha, death is only the beginning, friend!" Said the obnoxiously happy voice that belonged to Literally Satan. Literally really didn't seem that crestfallen about being told he was going to die. When the Doctors told him, he just smiled at them, and said "Haha, that's fine." followed by a strangely distorted laugh track. One that wasn't really there. Most laugh tracks, despite being played in the show's edited version, generally were there, but this one wasn't. This one, was just sort of in everyone's head, including the people who watched it. It's there.
Fast-forward to current time, in a sort of bizarre smorgasbord of ridiculousness. Literally, stared at his pals, laughing innocently as they went through their lives, normally. This was normal.
"Haha, friends! I accept death, and I am ready to die!" Literally said, smiling to imply it was a joke, but his tone said otherwise. Granted his tone meant nothing really. He's Literally Satan.
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Post by The Agnolotti Raichu on Apr 15, 2016 10:05:58 GMT
Grull, having found another pillow to snack on, saw a slightly rotund but still tiny human pull some sort of shiny brick from the confines of his garments. This shiny brick was intriguing. Why did the shiny brick exist? Did it help hunt wild plains mammals? Did it store an ancient artifact inside? So many possibilities laid within the existence of the shiny brick! Grull watched with fascination as the tiny human handled the brick, then proceeded to scream some words into it. Bricks can't talk back, can they?
Before Grull knew it, loud noises filled the hospital room, coming from that weird spot in front of him, where the air turned into a completely separate building. Grull squeezed through the portal to the gun shop as best as he could, noting the wide variety of oddly-shaped, hollow clubs. Tiny humans needed to make better weapons... Grull ignored the fact that the IV stand he was holding was an improvised weapon of his own.
And then he saw the contraptions in front of him. They looked like metal buffalo, only green and they have wheels. Not to mention that strange horn they all had on their heads. There were also the giant metal birds up above, making their loud, low-pitched chirping noises. Grull thought it strange that their wings were on top rather than on the sides of their bodies, however. It was then that Grull made the connection. These loud noises and metal animals in front of Grull only came after the tiny human screamed into his shiny brick. And that meant...
It was a MAGIC shiny brick!
Which means the tiny human was actually a witch!
And witches are bad!
Grull let out a thunderous roar, and picked up Gary with little to no effort. "Grull no like magic shiny brick! Magic shiny brick make tiny human witch! Grull no like witches!" And so Grull threw Gary toward one of the green metal buffalo he had summoned with his black magic.
Zoie scoffed. "Wow, take it easy, Pop Rocks. It's just a phone. Nothing to get excited over. Now, those tanks on the other hand..." A devilish grin crossed Zoie's face as she watched the events unfold.
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Post by melcaroni on Apr 15, 2016 12:20:11 GMT
"ATTENTION DIRTY FOREIGNERS!" The police shouted, guns at the ready, "LAY DOWN OUR GUNS RIGHT NOW! MAKE NO HOSTILE MOVES, OR WE WILL SHOOT!"
"Hold, Officer!" Gary cried, raising his arm as he turned to the chief, "There are children in there! We need to get them out safely!"
"My god, he's right!" The Chief said, whipping off his sunglasses. "We hadn't even noticed. Thank God for you, Gary Stuart."
Gary nodded. "I'm only doing what any red-blooded American would, sir. Now, let's get in there, and save those child--"
It was then that Grull hurled Gary Stuart through the air, and hurtling into one of the approaching military tanks. He slammed into the vehicle, his body bouncing off the steel like a fly on a windshield. He hit the ground, limp and motionless.
He did not get back up.
The police stared in shock at the fallen hero, before turning back to the orange Hulk.
"FUCK IT, OPEN FIRE!"
"Oh shit," Pinhead muttered, and quickly ducked behind Zoie Kaiji as the bullets began to fly.
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Post by ramenigma on Apr 15, 2016 12:28:32 GMT
Kuthlax glided through the portal... Well, more like sorta kinda glitched through it. Or teleported in bursts? Basically, moving without moving. If that makes sense.
"Now, now, pigs. I agree with the dirty foreigners bit, but that's entirely hypocritical. You fuckers are here in this dimension without a permit too, you know. And you're equally as dirty. I don't even have a nose and I can smell the rotting stench of your mortie flesh. It's disgusting. It smells like flesh and saliva and sweat and shit. Even your filthy hydrogen liquids can only hide your godawful fucking human stench so much. So, yeah."
Space rippled around Kuthlax, it's equivalent of sighing.
"EITHER DON'T GET IN THE WAY OF MY PLANS, OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY UNIVERSE!"
Ripping multiple guns off the wall, it used it's many tentacles to fire a barrage of bullets at the coppers, like rain made of hot steel.
Wilhelm pressed the button on his box and cracked up the volume of the BGM.
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Post by DreadLasagnaArchduke on Apr 15, 2016 12:38:07 GMT
"Now, now, guys. I got this. I'm a cop, sort of. I can reason with them." Lysandra said before turning to face the all the police. "Hey, guys, you remember me, right? Lysandra? Used to work on the force, quit because you guys wouldn't let me burn shit down, or something like that, I'm too drunk to remember. Could you guys maybe stop shooting at us for old time's sake?" she stood there for a moment, waiting for a response. A bullet flew past her head. "F*** it, then, let the games begin!" she shouted, chucking one of her molotovs at one of the tanks.
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Post by The Agnolotti Raichu on Apr 16, 2016 1:09:16 GMT
Grull stared at Gary's body in confusion. Why wasn't he getting back up? Grull slowly moved closer and poked Gary in the stomach with a large orange finger, belonging to a pair of hands that desperately needed its nails trimmed. "Is tiny witch dead? Grull no throw tiny witch that hard..."
The green metal animals all faced their horns toward Grull. One of the tiny humans (at least they looked like humans... though the possibility that they were fellow witches was very real) mentioned fire, and Grull found himself bombarded with large metal spearheads. They were impossibly strong, too. Most of the time, spears just bounced off of Grull's tough hide and rocky growths. These managed to embed themselves somewhere inside Grull's skin. He saw red liquid running down his torso and tensed up a little. How long had it been since Grull saw his own blood?
Now properly angry, and not one to back down from a challenge like this, Grull responded with another roar, just as intimidating as the first. He lunged onto one of the green animals and gave a good slam to its horn, snapping it right off. A few well-placed punches and clubbings with both the IV stand and the horn, and there were several holes in the skin of the animal. Popping the horn into his mouth (Grull noted that it was crunchy), he continued to rip some more of its skin away until he was holding a good-sized metal plate.
The other tiny humans kept firing their tiny weapons at Grull, who now had made a shield of the metal skin he had just ripped out. This proved to be good and bad news for a certain individual among the group. The bad news was that the bullets deflected off the makeshift shield just right to start flying toward Pinhead. The good news was that Pinhead had none other than Zoie Kaiji to protect him! She was short in stature, with deep blue eyes, wearing an elegant white and pastel blue evening gown. She had mystical white hair that turned to black at the tips, and she had a gentle smile on her face.
"Fret not, young one. It is I, Zoie Kaiji, embodiment of peace, life, and prosperity, here to aid you in your time of need. I have noticed that you have contracted a deadly illness that has no known cure or treatment. However, I am able to berid you of your ailment if I simply- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Zoie Kaiji suddenly let out an ear-piercing shriek as the bullets ripped into her garments and her perfect skin. She collapsed into Pinhead, embracing him to keep her balance. White mist started escaping from where the bullets had struck. Gasping for air, she knew she had only a precious few moments left. She had to make her last words count.
"Tell... my parents... I... love them..." Zoie Kaiji went limp, having moved on to the next world. Zoie Kaji, on the other hand, started laughing as the events unfurled. She leaned back against one of the gun shop walls, as if everything going on around her was made to amuse her and her specifically. Who cares about the audience?
Soon after the death of Zoie Kaiji, Kuthlax started giving the police officers Hell, and there was a big fireball as a Molotov cocktail exploded. Between Grull, and Kuthlax, and explosions, Zoie Kaji figured it safer to stay back and watch the fireworks. After all, this was amazing to watch.
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Post by melcaroni on Apr 16, 2016 11:56:43 GMT
A lesser man would be dead by now. A greater man would even be paralyzed for life. But Gary Stuart was neither of these.
Though his heart had stopped and his body lay motionless on the ground, Gary Stuart was not fully dead yet. And as the large, pumpkin-colored ogre pressed his stomach, he unwittingly gave his body the jump-start it needed to return to motion, and within seconds, Gary Motherf***ing Stuart was sucking in air and living once more.
He awoke to a dreadful sight-- The first thing he noticed was the smell of ashes and burning flames. The tanks around him were being torn up, and the demon and his orange friend were tearing through the noble cops like butter.
"AUGH WHY!?" One of the policemen screamed as he was gunned down by Kuthlax, "THEY'VE TURNED OUR LOVE AGAINST US!"
A single tear fell from Gary's eye as he watched his comrades fall. They were good men, gone in a flash of gunfire and also explosions. So many lives, gone. So much blood. So much pain.
"Oh no..." Gary suddenly fell to his knees, the smell of blood and flames triggering something in his mind. "I... remember..."
With a burst of light, Gary was suddenly transported back to The War.
Gary's eyes flashed back open, and he took a deep breath. Enrico had believed in him... He was the only one that could stop this.
Picking up the shotgun, Gary Stuart rose, bullets whizzing all around him and flames burning behind him.
"Everyone!" He cried, raising the gun, "Ceasefire! It is time we ended this... With PEACE!"
The shooting stopped, but really the only reason for that was because pretty much all the police force was dead.
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Post by The Agnolotti Raichu on Apr 17, 2016 6:56:29 GMT
Grull considered the words that the tiny witch had just uttered. Each one ringing inside his head. Finally, he was able to make sense of the situation.
"End with piece? Grull has piece! Grull has MANY pieces!" Grull triumphantly displayed the shrapnel of the tank he had destroyed for all to see.
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Post by ramenigma on Apr 18, 2016 0:51:59 GMT
"No, you stupid fucking mortie. He means what we've been doing all along."
Kuthlax fired a shotgun round right through Gary's face.
"End it with a piece, see?" He held up the gun, to display the obvious.
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Post by melcaroni on Apr 18, 2016 3:04:57 GMT
Gary's face exploded into a geyser of kool-aid. The impact of the shot sent him flipping head over heels, slamming into a building, before falling flat on the ground.
All was silent.
After a moment, Pinhead spoke.
"Alright, cool, I guess this scene is over." He said, checking a non-existent watch. "Or like, segment of the RP? Or something. Iunno what you call this stuff, but I DO know that I am still dying of Superfuckoffitis, and the Sandler still draws breath. This must be rectified."
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Post by DreadLasagnaArchduke on Apr 26, 2016 1:10:13 GMT
"What is this?" shouted a voice in a posh British accent. "Just what the devil have you all done? Look at all this bloodshed! This violence! All these people, dead! I don't know how you degenerates can bear to look at yourselves in the mirror when you wake up!" The voice belonged to one Barnabas Raspberry, the small turtle peeking out of Lysandra's pocket.
"How the hell did you get in there when I wasn't looking? Anyway, old man, we still haven't busted the melons we were gonna bust, so the violence is far from over. Either ya grab a gun off there or shut your pie hole." she said.
"I will not, as you put it, shut my pie hole! This is quite unacceptable, and- ooh, is that some lint? I do love some lint to play with." he disappeared into her pocket once more to play with his newly discovered lint.
"Now that I got him to shut up, I'm still up for icing some fools like we planned. Who's with me?" she looked around, puffing away at the cigar.
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Post by melcaroni on Apr 26, 2016 2:27:53 GMT
"Hey, what the hell is going on in here!? Should we call the police!?" "Why are there bullet holes!? What's going on?! Are we on Prank TV?" "This is the police! Come out with your hands up!" Uh oh. Pinhead could hear the other patrons of the hospital starting to take notice of the insane bullshit they'd just partaken in. Footsteps started heading down the hallway, as a crowd of people started heading towards the group's hospital room. "Okay, so." Pinhead said, picking up an AK-47 from the floor, "We can either stay here and fight the police or whoever's coming, OR we can go through this portal and go start taking out those that REALLY deserve it. As for me, I can see a JC Penny's right down the street, so..." He somehow cocked the weapon dramatically, and stepped through the portal. "I've got some overpriced clothing to burn." -- "Gareth Reginald Stuart... Rise." Slowly, a pair of eyes creaked open, and a body once fallen drew breath once again. Fingers began to flex, and as his vision returned, the man could see a group of doctors and surgeons, standing over him. "...Where... where am I...?" "You were lucky, Gareth. In many instances, a shotgun blast to the face is lethal. But luckily for you, each of the pellets went past your brain entirely, missing every single vital that could have otherwise killed you. Our men recovered you. And now, you are awake, with some... adjustments." Gary blinked, slowly raising his hand-- Only to see that, to his horror, it was now completely mechanical. "Wha-- What is this!?" He cried, throwing the sheets off his body; Oh dear god, his body had been merged with a machine-- Metal parts and synthetic organs now blended with his body so thoroughly that he no longer knew where he began and the cybernetics began. Panicking, he frantically grabbed a mirror off the stand beside him and examined his face. He now had a red cyborg eye, contrasting with his naturally blue one. Oh god. It was worse than he imagined. "...Why... Why did you do this to me!?" He demanded, looking back at his body. "I don't even think most of this was injured! I thought it was just my face! Wouldn't it just have been easier to heal my face!?" "Unfortunately, Mr. Stuart," The Head Doctor spoke again, "Obamacare has made it so that now ALL operations turn you into a cyborg." "Damnit!" Stuart cried, smashing his fist against the wall. "I KNEW this would happen!" "Yes..." The Doctor said, adjusting his glasses. "However, Mr. Stuart, that was not our only goal. This ball-numbingly expensive procedure was not merely the mandate of President Obama. In fact, it was part someone vastly more powerful, and they need your help." Gary's eye narrowed. "...And who would this person be?" The Doctor produced a tablet, and handed it to Stuart. He slowly turned it on, and a FaceTime call quickly opened. "Hello, Gary. I've been very impressed by your work. And now, I've got a proposition for you."
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